A lot can happen in a year they say. I personally never believed it till now.
To sum up this year I have to say I feel as If I have been dragged through a hedge backwards. A lot has happened and I have been on a long overdue journey.
Morgie's parting was the start of a journey through what makes up me, it was journey, which was not very pleasant, but I have to say it was the making of me.
I suffer from depression and sadly the events of last September saw the start of one of the worst attacks I've ever had. I lost a really close friend she was gone, suddenly and for no reason, she hadn't done anything to warrant her passing like that, then I lost another person, through my anger and frustration someone who I pushed away and hurt badly through my blind rage; someone I regarded as a brother because my pride would not let me admit that I was falling to pieces.
I shut myself off from everything, Internet, friends, family, the people I worked with, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and let the world go on without me.
Does the phrase 'Stop the world I want to get off' mean anything to you?
I went back on line after a while but it wasn't the same then got back in Touch with Athena and Amaya, we couldn't always talk through IM but emails were just as strong if not stronger, then I made contact with Kanike and Middie and other people that knew her and things gradually went back almost to the way they were, instead of emails from Morgie in my in box I got ones from Tom which I treasured. Life on line was great once more but it was my offline life that I was having the most problems with.
Then one day I woke up and realized that the only person that could clear this mess up was me. I got out my Aromatherapy oils and dealt with the depression, I started meditating which helped me to see where I had to change and why and I did it, it took time but I did it. I got back in touch with the people I had abandoned and endured the lectures of 'Don't ever do that to us again!' It was great to be out and about again but I was still missing a 'brother'.
Nest step was back reading my craft books and with Athena egging me on I found my feet and set off down my path once more- This was when I started to live and be the new me. Athena asked me to help her to co- host her web site this was the carrot at the end of the stick that I needed. - I got myself back on track - a stronger more determined Laruna, who now doesn't let pride get in her way, and I've got my brother back which was the final chapter to my journey so far.
I still miss Morgie really badly, I see things I was to send her, and then I remember that she's not there.
But she is there.
I was clearing stuff out the other day there and I found a bag of Chai Spice tea, the last one I have from the final parcel she sent me. On the 15th I'm going to brew it up as strong as possible with lots of milk and a spoonful of honey and toast one of the most amazing people to ever come into my life.
I'm just back from the Pub, but while waiting on the Taxi arriving to take me there I was looking at the moon. The moon will always be there, will always be watching, it's the same moon that Athena, Amaya, Tom, Middie and everyone I know and regard as friends see. It is the same moon that Morgie saw. So when I look at the moon now it reminds me that Morgie will always be there no matter what and so will my friends whether in Scotland or across the Atlantic Ocean.
So know that whenever I look at the moon I think of you all and the Sister who was just a bundle of laughter and mischief, my haggis-loving sister from Rockford Illinois